The following is how former cult members and members of spiritually
abusive systems described how they felt when they finally left
their group.  This may give you some insight into their pain and
why there are no easy answers for them.

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original details for identification of source.

                              IT HURTS

IT HURTS to discover you were deceived - that what you thought was 
     the "one true religion," the "path to total fredom," or
     "truth" was in reality a cult.

IT HURTS when you learn that people you trusted implicitly - whom 
     you were taught not to question - were "pulling the wool over
     your eyes" albeit unwittingly.  

IT HURTS when you learn that those you were taught were your
     "enemies" were telling the truth after all -- but you had been
     told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic etc  and
     not to listen to them.

IT HURTS when you know your faith  in  God  hasn't changed - only  
     your trust in an organization - yet you are accused of
     apostasy, being a trouble maker, a "Judas". It hurts even more
     when it is your family and friends making these accusations.

IT HURTS to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on 
     you remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply
     you try and suppress it. All you want to do is forget - but
     how can you forget your family and friends?

IT HURTS to see the looks of hatred coming from the faces of those 
     you love - to hear the deafening silence when you try and talk
     to them.  It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a
     hug and they stand like a statue, pretending you aren't there. 
     It stabs like a knife when you know your spouse looks upon you
     as demonised and teaches your children to hate you.

IT HURTS to know you must start all over again.  You feel you have 
     wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, 
     suspicious  of  everyone including family, friends and other
     former members.

IT HURTS when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what 
     you were - even about leaving them.  You feel depressed,
     confused, lonely. You find it difficult to make decisions. You
     don't know what to do with yourself because you have so much
     time on  your  hands  now - yet you still feel guilty for
     spending time on recreation.

IT HURTS when you feel as though you have lost touch with reality. 
     You feel as though you are "floating" and wonder if you really
     are better off and long for the security you had in the
     organization and yet you know you cannot go back.

IT HURTS when you feel you are all alone - that no one seems to
     understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize
     your self confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.

IT HURTS when you have to front up to friends and family to hear 
     their "I told you so"  whether that statement is verbal or
     not.  It makes you feel even more stupid than you already  do
     - your confidence and self worth plummet even further.

IT HURTS when you realize you gave up everything for the cult -
     your education, career, finances, time and energy - and now
     have  to seek employment or restart your education.  How do
     you explain all those missing years?  

IT HURTS because you know that even though you were deceived, you 
     are responsible for being taken in.  All that wasted time
     ........ at least that is what it seems to you - wasted time.
 

                          THE PAIN OF GRIEF

Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative
or a broken relationship.  The feeling is often described as like
having been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love.  You
feel you were simply used.  

There is a grieving process to pass through.  Whereas most people
understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they  find
it difficult to understand the same applies in this situation.  
There is no instant cure for the grief, confusion and pain.  Like
all grieving periods, time is the healer.   

Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn't -- It
IS normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain,
disillusioned, guilty, angry, untrusting - these are all part of
the process.  In time the negative feelings will be replaced with
clear thinking, joy, peace, and trust.    

                           YES - IT HURTS 
    BUT THE HURTS WILL HEAL WITH TIME,  PATIENCE & UNDERSTANDING 

                   There is life after the cult. 

(C)  Jan Groenveld  Internet: py101663@mailbox.uq.oz.au
                     Fidonet: 3:640/316
     Cult Awareness & Information Centre, PO Box 2444, Mansfield,
     4122, Australia (61-(0)7- 343 8116)